gallusrostromegalus:

So my mom’s calling me at midnight becuase we’re both nocturnal and she’s worried about the state of my health, and has relayed A Most Amusing Image.

My neighbor (Not the Tall Man) has acquired a roomba.

This, in and of itself is not such an issue but she is in possession of two Moderately Insane Dogs and a Definitely Mad Husband. 

The dogs are, in order of importance, Sampson, a large German Shepherd that came from a police dog litter but was adopted out due to budget cuts.  He’s still 90lbs of Intense Dog, and Very Protective of his house and family.  In his mind, the robot is clearly up to something, and must be supervised very closely whenever it’s out cleaning the carpets.

The second dog is Ella, the kindest, gentlest elderly golden retriver you will ever meet, who has decided that the Roomba is her New Puppy, along with Sampson, who is her Older Puppy.  the fact that her children aren’t getting along is very distressing to her, so she has to follow Sampson around and chide him every time he growls at the roomba, bopping him on the head to force him into a play-bow in the hopes that the two children will wrestle and be friends like good puppies.

This is upsetting to both dogs and also to Husband, who is a gentle being who can’t stand any conflict, so he’s taken lately to try and train the dogs to ignore the Roomba, only instead of doing the sensible thing and say, bribing them with food to sit and watch the robot, he decided for some reason that he ought to try to play with Sampson instead, crawling around on the floor after him, barking and play-bowing.

So my neighbor comes home from grocery shopping, to find her Husband crawling around on the floor, slowly going hoarse for fake-barking, two dogs kicking each other furiously and knocking everything over- including houseplants and a coffee table, all around a tiny robot, Oblivious to the chaos.

Neighbor has since decided on the sensible course of only running the roomba when Husband is away and the dogs are safely ensconced in the basement, but given that this is the man that faked a PR junket for Obama for funsies and  made “Carp In A Blender” for our housewarming dinner this is probably far from the end of the Roomba’s adventures.