acheesecakewrites:

i’m 0% original, but i’m never going to write a coffeeshop au based on my life working at That One Coffeeshop With The Green Logo That Everyone Recognizes, so here’s some fun ideas for someone else to play with

• an upside-down macchiato is just a latte. please just order a latte it’s cheaper and less pretentious. you’re ordering it this way to vex me personally, aren’t you
• 3:45 is too early to be alive
• Yes that scar on my arm is from when I took a sandwich out of the oven and molten cheese dripped on me. I know I’m a badass, no need to make a big deal of it
• that’s too much esspresso
• fuck that guy who put his dirty napkin in the tip jar, wtf
• I know you heard me singing to the espresso machine to make it work, and you know i know
• I got a cut on my finger and I can’t get the little rubber finger-protector to roll over the bandaid please help me I’ve ripped 4 of them. Also please stop calling it a finger-condom.
• We’re out of 2% milk WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE
• Service Animal Alert! let’s all quiver silently with excitement and not be obnoxious while the dog does A Very Good Job We’re So Proud

some (USA) airport-specific stuff

• Did you hear about the guy who tried to bring a rifle through TSA? yeah I gave him his coffee. He was really mad.
• someone opened a door they shouldn’t have and now every alarm in the world is going off
• who pissed off the utility workers. WHO DID IT. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT WE NEED THEM TO TAKE OUT OUR TRASH
• No sir I can’t get them to bring the plane back just because you missed it. I’m a barista. I can’t do shit.
• This lady had too many bags and didn’t want to pay to get one put in the cargo bay, so she just…. took everything out of it and…..gave us the bag???? i have a new purse now TSA said it was okay????
• Dude I don’t think caffeine is going to help with your anxiety about flying. We have chamomile tea instead?
• Pilots Are Jerks.