I’m just remembering this animal tour I was part of at a zoo once. Don’t remember what zoo, I think San Diego? The zookeeper leading the tour brought out a little three-banded armadillo for an animal encounter. He was like 12 years old and had bristles all on the inside of his shell and along his tummy. He’d been woken up to be brought out, and his tiny armadillo dick was out, so I dunno if he was having a nice dream or if that was just standard male armadillo state. Apparently he’s had a lot of kids, so that might be the standard for him. 

The keeper held him for a little bit so everyone could (lightly) touch his shell and see what it felt like, then put him down (he was getting wiggly) and let him toddle around. He walked like a wind-up toy, all slow and puttery, which is evidently top speed for a three-banded armadillo. The lady who brought him out was apparently the one who fed him, and she was really surprised when I told her that nine-banded armadillos (native to Texas and surroundings, three-banded are from Brazil) run like rabbits and can easily outrun humans. They don’t have armadillos in California, apparently.

I’m still surprised nobody in the group of high-school-age kids remarked on the armadillo dick.