the houses as things my dad has done

gryffindor: allowed his kids to go wild attacking him with water pistols in front of his peers and a lot of electrical equipment
hufflepuff: almost died dancing to ‘cotton eyed joe’ in a lion costume in church on the hottest day of the year
slytherin: got drunk and censored the wrong part of m******fucker
ravenclaw: walked into a pole because he was too busy admiring the architecture of a bridge