Almul has a nightmare, Alzu tries to help.

Warning for a nightmare involving something that, though technically non-sexual, is probably best termed ‘rape’.

Strong hands forcing
buckles apart despite their feeble efforts to struggle free, bare human skin
somehow not parting under their claws, muffled skreels for help going unheard
as the pool of Alzu’s blood started to soak into their back and stain their
cloak-

Clasps clamping down
painfully tight, fixing their plating around unpleasantly shifting limbs and
damp, wet skin, their last few scraps of mobility vanishing as a being far
stronger than them forced them to move-

Oh-so-familiar despair
and helplessness sinking in again as their vision started to fade out, as the
sounds around them dimmed, as their voice gave out, as their entire frame was
pressed around the body of the being who was controlling them, forcing them to move, their entire
world fading to nothing but the sensation of someone inside them-

Alzu was dead, and the
being who had killed them had caught Almul, wasn’t hurt by their claws, wasn’t
burned by their flame, was stronger than them and had them prisoner and they
couldn’t get away, and Almul’s last
coherent act was a silent scream of panic as their claws tried to clench on
nothing and failed-

“Almul, hey- hey, wake
up-“

Suddenly, the clammy heat inside them and the sticky, hot
puddle against their back vanished, replaced by coolness against their back and
a familiar, soft, comfortable warmth
sprawled across their front. Correction: sprawled across them, wrapped around
them, and licking their helm.

And somebody was screaming.

Oh. Their voice was back.

Bewildered, Almul trailed off and stared up at the
blackness, claws flexing on whatever they were hooked int- ah, no, that felt
like thick fur and skin, and this was Alzu,
alive and warm and now bleeding but
only thanks to them-

And the seemingly invincible human was gone. Just Alzu- hugging them and licking gently at their helm.

What… what had just-

“Ah, fuck- ah’m sorry, Almul. Figured you’d be sleepin’ f’
awhile, ran off t’ get some supplies- an’ then I come back an’ yer screamin’
yer li’l helm off. Shh-shh, ‘s okay- ‘s jus’ me. I gotcha. Ain’t hurtin’ ya.
Ain’t no one here, shush, I gotcha. Now, ah… take yer claws outta my
shoulders?” Alzu asked softly, letting his head rest gently on Almul’s
shoulder, and loosened his grip on them slightly. “Ain’t no good tryin’ t’ let
y’ sleep alone, huh? Easy, sh-“

Almul’s vision flickered back into existence, and they
chirped out a quick apology as they removed their claws from Alzu’s hide,
leaning up to see if he was- no, no, he wasn’t bleeding much, his fur had
gotten in the way, he was probably-

He was alive, Alzu
was alive, Almul was free, no one was hurting either of them-

Almul made a soft, rattling, sobbing noise, shaking all over, and buried their face in Alzu’s
shoulder. Pressing up against him, they rocked slowly, whining, arms tight around
Alzu’s frame, clinging with everything that they had to the one who kept them safe-

Safe from people, safe from the weather, from their own mind.

Quivering, Almul tried to curl into a ball with Alzu,
chattering softly as he obliged them and curled with them. Pushing into Alzu as
much as they could, they tried to rock into his frame, doing their absolute
best to just melt into him and into the ground.

“Yeah, there we go- shh. Ah, Hell- you’d be cryin’ now if ya
could, wouldn’ ya? Poor thing- heard ya screamin’ all th’ way back on th’ road,
an’ you got plenty t’ be screamin’ about. A’ight… tha’s it. No lettin’ you
sleep alone. M’kay- you keep clingin’, y’ rattle-cry all y’ want, I am gonn’
sit up an’ try out- look, I got polishin’ stuff. Lemme get you all shined up-
gonn’ make ya look pretty. Lemme know if any o’ this ain’t comfy.”

Alzu didn’t try to get loose of Almul’s grip, but he did
wiggle until he had the top half of himself free and could reach his bag.
“A’ight. I got good scrubby sand, a new scrubbin’ cloth, an’ some oil. Talked
t’ the local armorer, asked ‘er ‘bout magical armor, an’ she says this ain’t
gonn’ mess wi’ anything. Didn’ tell ‘er what kind of magical, don’ worry. I figure- we get you all shiny, you
prob’ly feel nice.”

Crooning softly, he started on a spot on Almul’s shoulder,
rubbing firmly with a cloth coated in the sand and oil. It easily cleared away
the assorted dirt, and, after a bit more work, it removed the thin outer layer
of dingy plating. Alzu had figured out at that point that Almul apparently
shed- as their outer plating began to tarnish, it would eventually be easy
enough to scrub loose, but the thickness of their plating never decreased.
Presumably they grew more somehow. That also explained why their lighter scars faded
away, why only the scars that went entirely through plating stayed over time.
Interesting, and helpful. Besides- as Alzu scrubbed away the ready-to-shed
bits, there was a soft sheen revealed underneath, and it looked nice. Hopefully
he could get Almul cleaned up enough to see that nice shine everywhere.

Soothed more than slightly by the pleasant scrubbing, Almul
gradually stilled, their shuddering easing away. Chirruping quietly, they
pushed their face into Alzu’s shoulder again, hugging close, and began to knead
softly at what they could reach of his back. Okay, maybe this could… could they
apologize? They’d dug their claws into Alzu, hurt him, and, oh- he was so good to them, he didn’t deserve that, he
deserved good things. And that- that was much nicer to think about than what
had just been happening, so they were just going to lay here, rub at Alzu’s
back, and try to decide what else to do.

By the time Alzu had finished scrubbing both their forearms,
they had a plan. Chirping quietly, they wriggled until they got free of him,
then immediately climbed up onto his back and straddled his hips, just above
his tail. A tail which immediately started to wag much harder, especially as
Alzu placed both hands between his shoulder blades.

Azu instinctively pushed up into the weight, propping
himself up on his elbows to look over his shoulder, then relaxed a bit and just
aimed a lazy grin up at Almul. “Hey- get yer rusty ass back down here, I gotta
finish cleanin’ you. Can’t reach ya if yer up ther- ooh. Ooh. Ah, m’kay, thiiis is not quite what I intended to- nnh, nope,
not complainin’. Yeah, that is nice.”

Slumping down against the ground, Alzu laid his head down
and just relaxed, eyes fluttering shut as the heels of Almul’s hands pressed
against the areas just below his shoulder blades. “Ah, yeah… mmh. Li’l bit in?
Yyyyeah. ‘S too bad you ain’t gotta dick, otherwise y’ could fuck me an’ do
that at th’ same time, an’ you know how much people like it when I do that t’ ‘em.
We gotta get y’ a fake cock, strap ‘er onta ya, an’ then we have some fun. Ooh- y’ wann’ try?”

Much calmer now, Almul massaged gently up and down Alzu’s
back, everywhere they could easily reach except the bleeding spots. They
thought about the suggestion for a moment, then shrugged and nodded, definitely
intrigued. What- that was something that could be done? They wouldn’t feel it, of course, but it would
probably be fun. Good noises from Alzu, probably.

And definitely a much more pleasant thing to consider than
some other thoughts that wanted out.

Hm. Come to think of it, Alzu distracting them with touch,
attention, and talk of sex was very in-character.

Nice.

They’d have to let him continue polishing them once they
were done rubbing his back. But first- this. See if he kept making pleasant
noises. Maybe see if this was the sort of contact that led to people becoming
aroused. Then again- Alzu might not be a good measure for what got people
turned on. A lot of things got Alzu turned on.

Though, apparently, not this. Maybe because his crotch was
pressed against the ground? Or maybe just the wrong sort of attention. Almul
could try to ask later, but, for now, rubbing.

And not thinking
about before.

Not right now.

Maybe eventually, but not right now.

Wait, just how intelligent are chickens and turkeys? I apologize if I sound rude/hostile as I’m quite eager to learn!

turings-deactivated20180627:

no need to apologise at all! i’m happy to talk about this.

from the day they hatch, chickens are capable of distinguishing between a given object and visually similar (though not identical) objects, and they have a sophisticated sense of object permanence. in addition, they’re capable of not only recognising but associating with familiar faces, be they chick or human. though this is all behaviour that likely developed because they’re precocial birds (walking the moment they hatch) who imprint and rely on on their mother and flockmates, it’s still worth noting because it’s all impressive behaviour for an individual that just recently popped out of an egg.

as adults, chickens have an array of calls and sounds with distinct meanings. they’ve shown to be capable of intentional deception (false predator alerts or calls of food when there is no food), have an impressive memory, are very responsive to training (more so than dogs in my experience), and while it’s not as researched as it should be, chickens are measurably (and rather significantly) empathic animals.

intelligence and cognition in turkeys has been researched even less than that of chickens, but they’re capable of recognising one another based on their voices and feature an impressive array of communicative vocalisations and behaviour. being social birds, they form complex bonds with other turkeys as well as humans, given the opportunity. on the individual scale, they’re often described as “curious” and “inquisitive” by those who work with and take care of them.

phantom-smut:

The long awaited demon dongs have arrived! +Bonus: Food monster dicks~
*Dicks not relative in size to one another

[ Twitter ] 💀 [Buy Me A Hot Chocolate?] 💀 [Commission Info]

Source: phantom-banned

GET IN MY BUSINESS PLEASE:

qarvatipatil:

draccomallfoy:

ginniewheezie:

ray-winters-sings:

connor-can-finish-my-milk:

i-just-love-writing-crap:

theradtaylorsofar:

The meaning behind my url:

A picture of me:

How many tattoos i have and what they are:

Last time i cried and why:

Piercings i have:

Favorite band:

Biggest turn offs:

Top 5 (insert subject):

Tattoos i want:

Biggest turn ons:

Age:

Ideas of a perfect date:

Life goal:

Piercings i want:

Relationship status:

Favorite movie:

A fact about my life:

Phobia:

Middle name:

Height:

Are you a virgin?

What’s your shoe size?

What’s your sexual orientation?

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?

Someone you miss:

What’s one thing you regret?

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:

Favorite ice cream?

One insecurity:

What my last text message says:

Have you ever taken a picture naked?

Have you ever painted your room?

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?

Have you ever slept naked?

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?

Have you ever had a crush?

Have you ever been dumped?

Have you ever stole money from a friend?

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?

Have you ever been in a fist fight?

Have you ever snuck out of your house?

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

Have you ever been arrested?

Have you ever made out with a stranger?

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?

Have you ever seen someone die?

Have you ever been on a plane?

Have you ever kissed a picture?

Have you ever slept in until 3?

Have you ever love someone or miss someone right now?

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?

Have you ever made a snow angel?

Have you ever played dress up?

Have you ever cheated while playing a game?

Have you ever been lonely?

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?

Have you ever been to a club?

Have you ever felt an earthquake?

Have you ever touched a snake?

Have you ever ran a red light?

Have you ever been suspended from school?

Have you ever had detention?

Have you ever been in a car accident?

Have you ever hated the way you look?

Have you ever witnessed a crime?

Have you ever pole danced?

Have you ever been lost?

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?

Have you ever felt like dying?

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?

Have you ever sang karaoke?

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?

Have you ever kissed in the rain?

Have you ever sang in the shower?

Have you ever made out in a park?

Have you ever dream that you married someone?

Have you ever glued your hand to something?

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?

Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked?

Have you ever been a cheerleader?

Have you ever sat on a roof top?

Have you ever brush your teeth?

Have you ever ever too scared to watch scary movies alone?

Have you ever played chicken?

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?

Have you ever broken a bone?

Have you ever been easily amused?

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?

Have you ever cheated on a test?

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?

Give us one thing about you that no one knows.

Fcking ask me these questions, my lovelies!! I beg 🙏🏻

PLEASE

I’m on mobile so send the question attacked to the number 🙂

Yes please but I also am on mobile so attack me

PLEASE

GET IN MY BUSINESS Y’ALL

Go right ahead!

(can send these either for me, or for my OCs)

norcumi:

cuzosu-blog:

jessicalprice:

sxizzor:

rhazade-waterbender:

badmoonraisin:

I am reading an essay called Male-Male Desire in Pharaonic Egypt (by Alex Clayden) which is actually pretty good

but

I just need to draw attention to this little gem of a pick-up line

Attention, followers: you now know how to write “nice ass” in hieroglyphics.

all i ever wanted out of life tbh

*slams hands on table*

Now THIS is why I come to Tumblr

*laughing* @norcumi, @deadcatwithaflamethrower, and idek who all else, hope you get a kick out of this!

@dogmatix XD

turings:

turings:

i know way too much about how large psittacids are bred to ever support the pet parrot industry

consider the blue and gold macaw, Ara ararauna. b&g macaws reach full sexual maturity within the first five years of their life, though their breeding age in the wild (though variable) tends to be anywhere from 15-30 years old. they will typically raise one clutch (1-3 eggs) about every other year. like (almost) all larger psittacids, they’re monogamous and have incredibly long lifespans.

going by their natural reproductive habits, the blue and gold macaw is impossible to profitably breed. even a super active, 100% successful pair would only produce three chicks a year, which is a pathetic payout when you factour in the costs of food, equipment, veterinary care, etc.

breeders know this, and they know they cannot change the nature of those birds, but they can tweak the environment their birds are in to maximise profit and profit exclusively. enter the current standard practise for breeding: stimulus deprivation. when you put two birds in a wire cage with nothing but a nest box and perches, the only real stimulation they get is from interacting with one another, and ultimately that leads to more mating. so, too, is the reason for the breeder’s minimal contact with the birds past the provision of food and water – bonding and interacting with one or both birds from a breeding pair significantly lessens the chance that they’ll breed. in addition to that, breeding pairs are often

coerced into breeding at a younger age, with the “advisable” window being 4-12 years,

separated from their mate if production is slowed down, then paired up with more active/virile birds,

and often deprived of the ability to hatch their own chicks, but if they are allowed to incubate and hatch, the chicks are taken from them within the first week.

as it stands, the profitable average for large parrots is 2-3 clutches per year, or about 8-10 eggs annually, with 4-6 breeding pairs of each bird available being the general standard to maintain a regular and available stock.

at the end of the day, the basic living requirements for these birds (food, clean water, space to move around, a sanitary environment, veterinary access) are met, but the birds are far from properly cared for. missing toes, bald heads/breasts, obesity, and stereotypies are rife in medium- and large-scale breeding facilities. more unfortunate still, however, is that parrot breeders aren’t measured by the treatment of their breeding pairs as much as they are by the cleanliness of the establishment and the treatment of the chicks. that “lots of love” standard that these breeders always seem to brag about never extends past the animals they intend to sell, because that’s an active danger to the profitability of their business.

so i repeat: there is absolutely no way to breed macaws, amazons, cockatoos, etc for a profit while also keeping their health in mind. there is no way to make a living off of breeding them without ignoring their needs and effectively exploiting them. it is impossible to make any money off of breeding them unless you compromise their health.

(since i’m obligated to say it, parrots are not pets. all psittacids, with the debatable exception of the english budgerigar, are wild animals and not suited for household life. the appeal of sweet baby parrots or a smart “talking bird” or some high-class exotic is not worth the intensive care these birds require. and contrary to popular belief, the “pet” parrot industry does not support captive breeding and reintroduction efforts, and as a matter of fact, the rising popularity of hybrid macaws and excessive “pet” parrots flooding the market makes things worse.)

picsofrung:

Today’s Pic of Rung has been brought to you by: THERE IT IS THERE IT IS

Alternatives to the Red Eared Slider

the-awkward-turt:

(Source)

This is the red eared slider. In the past hatchling red ears were sold at roadside stands (this is still sometimes done illegally) and even after the 4 inch law made that illegal they were still sold as juveniles by many pet stores.

These turtles get massive. They need a 60-120 gallon tank at minimum, and really do best in a small pond. They also live for 20-30 years with proper care. Since these are branded as a low maintenance pet a huge number of red ears are either horribly neglected or illegally released into the wild (resulting in them becoming a horrible invasive species and out-competing native turtles).

However a lot of people seem to think that red ears are the only aquatic turtles available in the hobby and/or that almost all aquatic turtles get this big and unmanageable. But the truth is there are plenty of species that, while certainly not “easy” animals, make much better pets than the red eared slider.

1. Southern Painted Turtle

(Source)

A lot of turtle hobbyists will say a male southern painted is the best turtle for someone starting out. Males range between 3.5 and 5 inches (so a 35 to 50 gallon minimum tank size) and even a truly massive female would only get up to 7 inches. They are also cute, brightly colored, and very active as well as comparable in hardiness to a red eared slider. Other subspecies of painted turtle are beautiful and hardy as well, but they do grow significantly larger (some are comparable in size to a red eared slider).

My first turtle (and first reptile) was a little male southern painted. His name is Awkward and he is still probably my favorite reptile to watch because he is so active and graceful in the water.

Note: Painted turtles are native to much of the US and some states will have laws against keeping native reptiles. Make sure you are aware of your state laws.

Southern Painted Care Sheet

2. Common Musk Turtle (Stinkpot) and 3-Striped Mud Turtle

(Source)

I lumped these two species together because they are very similar in care and appearance. Stinkpots reach about 4-5 inches and three-stripes usually reach 3-4 inches.

While painted turtles and sliders are deep-water pond turtles, muds and musks are better suited to shallow water. Three-stripes especially are not the best swimmers and should have access to a sandy land area to dig in. Both species should have lots of vertical tank furniture to help them climb to the surface.

It should also be noted that muds/musks can be quite aggressive to members of their own species or to look-alike species so you should not cohabitate them. Even cohabitating them with basking turtles can be risky as they have very powerful jaws and are capable of ripping limbs off other turtles.

Stinkpot Care Sheet

Three-Striped Mud Turtle Care Sheet

3. Male Map Turtle

(Source)

There are many species of map turtle in the United States, each species usually being unique to a few (or sometimes just one) rivers. They like fast moving water and as a result can be slightly more sensitive to water quality than the other two species above. They are also quite sexually dimorphic in terms of size; females of most turtle species are at least slightly larger than males, but the size difference in map turtles is extremely pronounced. This is why I specify that getting a male map turtle is important, because while a male might be a perfectly manageable turtle a female might be red eared slider sized (for this reason you must get a turtle that is old enough to be reliably sexed).

Map turtle species in which the males stay on the smaller side: Ouachita map (3.5-5 inch), black-knobbed map (3-4 inches), Texas map (2.5-4.5 inches), and Mississippi map (3-4.5 inches). There are probably other species too, but those are the ones I see available most often.

Care Sheet Mississippi Map

Care Sheet Texas Map

Care Sheet Black Knobbed Map

Care Sheet Ouachita Map

But where can I get these turtles?

Most people probably haven’t seen these species available at a pet store (for reasons elaborated upon below), so where do you get them? Most of these species are available principally from breeders online.

STAY AWAY FROM TURTLESALE.COM AND TURTLESHACK.COM. They are horrible and regularly deliver deathly ill turtles.

TurtleSource.com is pretty fair. They are a big breeder and often have species that aren’t readily available elsewhere, but they can’t really put in the special attention to each animal that a smaller breeder can. However if you need an adult or subadult turtle they can be a good option, because most breeders only sell hatchlings most of the time.

Otherwise I would look for a breeder that works with the species you are interested in that has good reviews. The Turtle Forum is a great place to ask about reputable breeders working with your species (or you might find someone on there working with them).

What about the 4 inch law?

Astute readers will have noticed that some of the species I’ve mentioned may be under 4 inches even as adults. The 4 inch law, which was intended to prevent aquatic turtles from spreading salmonella to children, prohibits the sale of aquatic turtles under 4 inches in shell length except for genuine scientific or educational purposes. However, although that is what the law says, it has only ever been really enforced on brick-and-mortar pet stores (usually big chains like PetCo/PetSmart) and on people selling hatchling red ears at the beach,on the side of the road, etc.

Although the law itself has not been officially changed (though there was a recent attempt to create an exception for expensive turtles that would only be of interest to hobbyists) everyone seems to have kind of agreed that it doesn’t apply to online breeders that sell to hobbyists. There are lots of companies selling hatchling turtles online (or even adults that never get over 4 inches) that have never gotten in trouble. Some of them may ask you to check a box that says the turtle is for “educational or scientific purposes” (why shouldn’t educating yourself by observing a turtle count?).

Basically the law is outdated and the salmonella threat that originally caused it was overblown (you are more likely to get salmonella from peanut butter than from a turtle). Although I’m glad that the law prevents unscrupulous roadside hatchling sales it really should be re-written to exempt responsible hobbyists (especially become some turtle species never get over 4 inches).

It is also important to note that it is not illegal to BUY or OWN a turtle under 4-inches in shell length, it is only illegal to sell one (and again the precedent is that online hobbyist sales are fine, though that’s not technically been written into the law).

More questions about turtle ownership?

Austin’s Turtle Page is a great resource as is the associated Turtle Forum. I would also be happy to answer any questions you have!

vampireapologist:

once I was working on a farm with this french guy who was going to school for Complicated Computer Stuff and he decided he wanted to go on a Big Adventure so he and I both ended up on this farm.

And one day we were moving fire wood from a big pile into neat little stacks for the winter and we came across a big wasp nest. Well, actually, we just kept coming across individual, very angry wasps, telling TALES of a nearby nest in the wood.

So the farmers hosting us shoo’d us away and told us we Were Not to go near the firewood again until they took care of the wasps bc they didn’t want any harm to befall us.

So I was happy for the break. I mean, we got plenty of breaks, but I never passed up the opportunity to drop where I stood and take a grass-nap.

But the French boy Could Not Abide wasps keeping him from his Duty.

SO he went back to the pile and started slowly moving logs one by one while I sat up and told him to, uh, Not Do That.

But he was determined. And when he finally found the Big Wasp Nest, and I was on my feet, he said “get ready to run.”

And let me tell you, when a Frenchmen lifts a log over his head, looking Wasps and Death Itself in the eye and tells ya that, you’re on your toes.

And he just fucking. Used a log to smash the nest. He just obliterated it and the wasps went Wild and we RAN.

But after about 15 minutes the wasps moved on, and we could get back to work.

Our hosts were HORRIFIED, and we promised we’d never do anything That Dumb again.

Which of course meant it became standard protocol for the next 10 times we found nests.

But honestly that really changed me. The dude didn’t just squash the wasps. he squashed my fear. Since that day, I have known none. I will SMASH any obstacles life gives me, even if it means running for my life and laying low for 15 mins for things to cool down.

scuzer:

anyway ulaz survived the space taco and he and shiro make sweet, sweet love