The nine types of people you meet when you come out as asexual

anagnori:

1. The unbeliever

• “You’re just a late bloomer.”
• “You’ll grow out of it.”
• “You’re just saying that because you can’t get laid.”
• “No way, you’re a man, men aren’t like that.”
• “You’re just playing hard to get.”
• “You just want attention.”
• “You’re just trying to seem special/different/trendy.”
• “No way, you’ve had sex before, you’re not asexual.”
• “You must be faking it because natural selection wouldn’t allow asexuality to persist.”

2. The unwanted sympathizer

• “I feel sorry for you.”
• “Wow, that sucks.”
• “You don’t know what you’re missing.”
• “I can’t imagine a life without sex!”
• “Your life must be so empty/lonely/pointless.”
• “Aww, but I’m sure you’ll find someone who wants to date you!”
• “You just haven’t met the right person yet.”

3. The intrusive questioner

• “Do you masturbate?”
• “What do your genitals look like?”
• “Don’t you ever get horny?”
• “What happens when you have a sex dream?”
• “Is it because of your religion?”
• “Do you have something wrong with your genitals?”
• “Did somebody hurt you?”
• “Were you sexually abused or something?”
• “Did you get raped?”

4. The asshole questioner

• “Do you reproduce by budding?”
• “Do you still think [opposite sex] have cooties?”
• “So are you in love with yourself?”
• “Are you attracted to animals?”
• “But everybody likes sex, what’s wrong with you?”

5. The unnecessary therapist

• “Have you tried having your hormones checked?”
• “You’re just afraid to get close to people.”
• “You’re in denial about being gay.”
• “You’re not asexual, you’re just shy/frigid/repressed.”
• “You must be a psychopath.”
• “You probably have [insert mental disorder here].”
• “You should seek therapy.”
• “Have you tried Viagra?”
• “Do you think you’re not worthy of being loved?”
• “But what if you change your mind some day?”
• “You should keep an open mind in case you meet somebody special.”
• “You’re afraid of sex/intimacy/falling in love.”
• “If you don’t like sex then you must not have been doing it right.”
• “How can you know you don’t want it if you’ve never tried it?”

6. The progressive who gets upset without having a clue what you’re talking about

• “Stop slut-shaming people!”
• “You’re being homophobic.”
• “You’re appropriating the struggles of REAL queer people.”
• “Since when have you ever been oppressed for NOT having sex?”
• “That’s not a real sexual orientation.”
• “What, do you think you’re better than me for not having sex?”
• “You’re repressed, you need to be sexually liberated.”

7. The conservative who gets upset without having a clue what you’re talking about

• “All women are like that.”
• “You’re being selfish by not getting married.”
• “If you don’t procreate, your life is pointless.”
• “Not having sex is unnatural.”
• “You’re sinning against God.”
• “You have a duty to your parents/ancestors to give them grandchildren.”

8. The creep

• “You just need to get laid.”
• “I can change your mind.”
• “I’m Robin Thicke.”
• “Someone should just force you to have sex so you’ll realize you like it.”

9. The actually decent person

• “You’re asexual? Okay, cool. Have you seen my keys, by the way?”