Shit my wife has said to our cat part 2

shitmygaywifesays:

– Hello my angel, my very most special piece of shit.

– I have several questions: Where the fuck did you come from? Why the fuck are you here? And, that’s it. 

– I cannot love you in the way you want, you spooning bastard.

– Is your flesh made of pain? If that’s true, why do you demand to inflict it??

– You could be the mother of darkness. You open your mouth and scream and that is what ushers in the darkness.

– If we had a saintly cat in this household, she wouldn’t fit in.

– I pet another cat. It was amazing, Miss Kitty. It was untouched by your evil.

– (Cat: gets sick) I never thought you mortal enough for a cold, Miss Kitty. I thought you ethereal, but not in a heavenly sort of way.

– (Cat: sneezes) Get the bad spirits out, Miss Kitty. Those are just the demons.

– You know what you are Miss Kitty? A nuisance. And a pixie. Who eats newborns. That’s how you get your gold. Where’s your gold, you little shit? 

-Lay down! Collapse your legs and put your body on the bed, you little monster!

– I’m arguing with you because you don’t have a brain. You have a festering cesspool of intentions. And I love you so goddamned much.

– You’ve got whiskers like livewire, hot stuff.