atlasisreal:

sushinfood:

nervous-selkie:

bethlammen:

exeunt-pursued-by-a-bear:

cutiepiemime:

todaytomorrowgiraff:

razerathane:

vandigo:

agent-teacup:

jumpingjacktrash:

lesbiananglerfish:

b00k-freak:

ceescedasticity:

abaline-merits:

felinefan:

sushinfood:

bettsplendens:

shrineart:

wizardmoon:

sushinfood:

acrossthesea-overtheland:

sushinfood:

octopusbath:

sushinfood:

so i fell asleep at my desk for a few seconds and woke up abruptly to the thought “WHO CARES!? THESE ARE ASSLESS CHAPS!!!” burning through my mind

i dont understand

It’s ok, I woke up two weeks ago to slapping my knuckles over my desk, and swore loudly. Only problem was that I suddenly had a thick Brooklyn accent, and thought I was a 1940s mobster for 30 seconds upon waking.

I LOVE STUFF LIKE THIS?

I did the same thing once, where when I woke up I seriously thought I was Superman for at least a good minute or so. I was reaching for my phone thinking, “Oh my God, I’ve been hiding it this whole time, I’ve gotta tell my boyfriend I’m superman.” And as I was very tiredly and sloppily writing the text I stopped what I was doing and was like, “What the fuck.”

Yes. More. I need more stories.

one morning i woke up absolutely convinced that my mom had faked her husbands death for tax purposes and i was so mad cuz i had to go to his stupid funeral with his dumb family and i thought we had finally gotten rid of him all for it to be a lie then like half an hour later im like “wait…” I told her about it later and she told me faking his death wouldnt have done much for her tax wise at all

Mine are always like “Oh fuck someone I love has died.” which is pretty scary to wake up to. But my favorite wtf one is that I woke up and I expected to wake up like at 12pm, I’d set an alarm for it etc….

I woke up at 8pm.

My immediate reaction to it being dark outside?

“Oh fuck it’s nuclear winter”

I once dreamed that I was a pirate tying a lot of knots for sail-hoisting purposes. Woke up to find that I’d wrapped our kitten in about three blankets. He wouldn’t sleep within arm’s reach of me for two years after that.

Another time, I was woken up by lightning striking a tree in our yard, and I genuinely thought I was somewhere to do with cannons for about 10 seconds. 

And then there was that time I was dreaming about boring house things, walked outside, found a canyon in our yard, woke up, got out of bed, walked downstairs, went outside, saw a flying saucer, woke up, got out of bed, had breakfast, and spent the whole day quietly expecting that I was about to wake up.

Brains are weird and sometimes they forget how to reality. 

Oh my god I love this.

My sister once went and woke up or dad to ask for lunch money and he asked her if she’d gotten the rubies yet and she said no and he told she had to get the rubies first and so she left and came back a little while later to ask again and he asked her if she’d gotten the rubies yet and she said yes and he told her okay and that she could take the $10 in his wallet.

I once had a dream that my house (and everything in it) was being claimed by loan sharks because I was so poor/in debt/or something, in my dream. I then woke up panicking/crying and looking around, confused as to why everything was still in my room. It took at least 20 seconds for me to figure out why. 

I came out of like 1 second of microsleep with the idea that Plants vs. Zombies had introduced a Charging Mooseflower.

I once woke up, and very deliberately bashed my head into the wall. For some reason I thought that was really important to do.

mine are always like weird random phrases that are just in my head and seem vitally important like one time i woke and thought to myself “a dead man’s mouth must taste like cabbage”

once while in a hotel room i had a nightmare about trying to escape from a nuclear apocalypse. i failed, and got asploded. my mental movie screen went black for a long moment, and then i woke up to see the words SHIT HAPPENS written on the hotel room wall in cheerful birthday cake cursive.

i stared at this for what felt like a good 15 minutes, checking that yes i was definitely awake, my spouse was snoring behind me, i was in the hotel room where i was supposed to be, and yet the words were definitely right there… until suddenly they weren’t, and it was just the shadow of a tree outside.

being wide awake in every way except the shadows are randomly making fun of your cold war PTSD… that was the weirdest goddamn morning.

I have woken up and punched the nearest wall to my bed on several occasions

Another time I woke up and head butted a wall

I woke a friend up for work once and she was just like “so it’s time to make the shields for the invasion?” She didn’t understand why I was laughing for like 3 minutes

I was on holiday in Japan about three months after I finished my masters degree, and woke up at about 4am absolutely convinced I had an assignment due in the morning that I’d not yet started or submitted… to the point that I got out of bed, turned my laptop on and was about to start it. It only then occurred to me, when staring at the backlit screen, that the degree ended months ago, that I was not in my bedroom, and I was in another bloody country trying to relax.

I once woke up to the fire alarm and a room filled with smoke, only to realize five panic stricken seconds later that it was a car alarm outside and I was staring at my white wall.

i woke up in my hotel room in australia to someone having pulled the fire alarm but i was completely convinced it was a tsunami alarm and that I could see the wave right outside the window and i just fuckin bolted out that room and left my family behind and i almost ran straight out the from door until some people in the lobby were like excuse me miss what the hell are you doing

I distinctly remember waking up once and my first, instant thought was the specific phrase “wait…aliens aren’t allowed to ride bicycles…”

I once had a very involved dream about defending a castle with a very large, oddly shaped moat. I woke up with the word “Caerphilly” in my head and the absolute certainty that I needed to get to the castle. My mom thought my subconscious was telling me “carefully,” but I was convinced it was the name of the castle. I googled it. Caerphilly Castle is in Wales. And it has a very large, oddly shaped moat. I have never been to Wales.

I once woke up one morning to see a man’s big hairy leg sticking out from under the covers in my bed. I flipped out for a good few seconds before I realized that it was, in fact, my own unshaven leg.

Incredible

When I was on speech team at my school, they’d make us wake up at exorbitant hours and trek out to schools for tournaments on Saturdays, leaving me with the mental fortitude of a soggy Ritz cracker.

One such day, I was in the room and waiting for the round to finish up, having just performed my own speech. I began to doze when my brain wandered a bit and I started to find myself in a series of half-dreams.

Most were inconsequential. Forgettable. But like an omen, a great warning from the sky, a vision came to me, clear as day. Two men, of indiscriminate build and stature, jumping enthusiastically, their chests slamming together with a mighty thunk, and yelling SALT MEAT.

I wrote the revelation down in my speech notebook immediately.