i love the mythbusters they’re like those weird uncles that you only see occasionally at big family reunions and every time you see them they’re like, “hey kid, wanna see what happens when we light a bee hive full of jalapeños and grenades on fire and shoot it?” and you’re like “uncle adam no” but it’s too late and there go your mother’s hydrangeas
family guy and south park have exactly two good jokes between them and i’m going to write them down here so you don’t have to watch the show
family guy
ringo starr runs into the beatles rehearsing room. “lads, i’ve written a song!” he exclaims, holding up a piece of paper. paul mccartney takes the paper from him. “oh, isn’t that nice, ringo!” he replies. “look everyone, ringo’s written a song! isn’t that lovely? i’m going to put it on the fridge, right here. where everyone can see it”
south park
goofy movie trailer narrator: this summer, rob schneider is…a carrot! rob schneider: ahh! i’m a carrot!
there now you never have to watch them because that’s all they had to offer of value
“I respect [insect/spider/thing] outdoors but IN MY HOME IT DESERVES DEATH” is one of the most common responses I see in regard to treating tiny creatures with respect and it’s just really sad people fall back on that so eagerly to excuse what’s still completely senseless destruction.
A bedbug or a tick or something else that wants your blood, sure, that makes sense, but a spider wandering into your house is still minding its own business hunting flies and crickets. It doesn’t know this big cave “belongs” to an animal that arbitrarily hates it for being there, and no, spiders do not just climb into your bed and bite you in your sleep.
The vast majority of flies, moths, beetles and anything else that small that ends up in your house actively *does not want* to be in such a place because it’s doomed to starve or dehydrate. Others are just trying to come in from the cold, and even if it’s your food they’re after, they don’t know that it’s “your” food. They especially don’t know that it upsets you for something 1/1000th your size to take a bite of that food; most other big animals don’t care, so they have no reason to be cautious of it.
People talk like it’s some kind of delinquency to be punished or something. It feels kinda more like reaching for a justification to enjoy a tiny moment of socially acceptable sadism.
Do what you really have to do to protect yourself from a deadly allergy or something but don’t be an asshole to something just because it made a wrong turn it can’t even comprehend.
I love how in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Steve and Bucky are having their dramatic highway battle and the cars in the other lane just keep driving. Like, the regular people in the Marvel Cinematic Universe must be so jaded at this point. Like, “Ho hum. Another Monday. Aw dangit. Looks like they’re at it again. The five o’clock rush is gonna be hell.”
Various twitter accounts just like:
So-called superheroes making me late to work again. Are they gonna employ me when I get fired for their incompetence? 🖕
THINK I SAW CAP AMERICA ON HWY 95 BRIDGE 🇺🇸❤️
No one at work believes I was late because I missed my turn due to “enormous bird man.” #cantmakethisshitup
Captain America vs SHIELD secret police have shootout on freeway in DC. What are they not telling us?
Dropped my snack in floorboard bc some metal arm dude flew off this car & into the gd road. Skittles everywhere.
Saw some guy get tossed into oncoming traffic and hit by a penske truck this afternoon. #gross #wasgettinglunch #nevermind 🤢
FUCKING SUPERHEROES BETTER HAVE SOME SUPER FUCKING INSURANCE. CAME OUT OF MEETING. MY CAR IS TOTALED. WTF?!?!
Saw Black Widow on bridge this afternoon. #daymade
Which Avenger has a metal arm? #newfave 💋
Think I saw Cap A out of costume & still fighting shit. Either that or some kids have taken LARPing too far.
Is there an Avengers with wings? Seriously. This is important.
Pray for those caught in #Hwy95 incident. Bus overturned. Potential Avengers situation. 🙏
Ridding the world of evil? What about the evil of making a girl late to her lunch date? Smh
Got bullet holes in my car today, but it also shielded black widow so like thank you ma’am. It’s been an honor.
Okay I already reblogged the original, but this ‘twitter’ post has me crying, so I have to reblog it too. Lmfao!
I have been a cat owner my whole life and I literally never knew that tiger lilies and stargazers were also highly toxic to cats. Even drinking the water from the vase that lilies are in can kill the cat! I brought in a tiger lily from our yard today and just thought to look it up and found out (and of course removed the lily from our house as soon as I saw). How scary!
Other toxic flowers for cats:
Amaryllis (Amaryllis sp.)
Autumn Crocus (Colchicum autumnale)
Azaleas and Rhododendrons (Rhododendron sp.)
Castor Bean (Ricinus communis)
Chrysanthemum (Chrysanthemum sp.)
Cyclamen (Cyclamen sp.)
English Ivy (Hedera helix)
Kalanchoe (Kalanchoe sp.)
Lilies (Lilium sp.)
Marijuana (Cannabis sativa)
Oleander (Nerium oleander)
Peace Lily (Spathiphyllum sp.)
Pothos (Epipremnum aureum)
Sago Palm (Cycas revoluta)
Spanish thyme (Coleus ampoinicus)
Tulip and Narcissus bulbs (Tulipa and Narcissus sp.)
Yew (Taxus sp.)
REBLOGGIng
Adding to this list
Geraniums Begonias Carnations (carnations cause skin problems for kitty if they TOUCH them)
probably my favorite thing about witchcraft is how diy it is. like, I used to be catholic and it was like “this has power because it was anointed by a priest” and witchcraft is like “fuck that. anoint it yourself. you have all the power of the universe in your little hands” and I love it.
That’s literally why I started; you ultimately hold the power, not an authority figure.
this has happened to me more times than i can count — i’ve found out when they ejaculate on me (a lot of times on my face without asking) that they took the condom off somewhere in the middle of sex. recently, a man i regularly hooked up with told me he “couldn’t come with a condom on” and i asked how he did it when we had sex before and he laughed and said, “i took it off less than half way through.”
this is something men don’t take seriously, but women are forced to — we’re the ones who have to get the plan b, who have to go get tested, who have to stress about what will happen next. men minds turn off the second after they orgasm.
it is absolutely non-consensual to take a condom off without the sex partner knowing.
Men seem to have no idea how fucking cruel this is, those weeks we spend afterward, panicking over whether we might be pregnant and what we’re going to do about it if we are and what if we caught something? Nah, they probably do have a sense of it; they just don’t fucking care, or they get off on the idea of putting a woman in distress weeks or more after the sexual act has ended.
You are scum if you fucking do this, condone this. End of discussion.
Remember kids, this is done without your consent. It is considered a form of rape. If someone does this to you take that shit seriously and definitely never see that asshole again.
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