One of my neighbors had a REALLY FAT golden retriever she adopted, that needed to be put on a diet, but even super-low-cal food wasn’t working, becuase Ella was still hungry and would open the cabinet to eat the whole bag. Vet suggested that she needed a filler Food so she could feel full without the extra calories, and suggested canned green beans, which are mostly fiber and lean protein.
Ella fucking LOVES green beans. She does a dance for them if you mention them. Her ‘sibling’ the police academy washout shepherd, thinks she’s insane.
Even if your pet doesn’t like green beans*, offering them a canned green bean is inevitably HILARIOUS becuase they’ll either be thrilled or otherwise make strange faces. Results so far:
Ella (golden retriever): Overjoyed. gets up on her hind legs to dance without prompting.
Sampson (Black shepherd): Offended, yells until you give him REAL treats.
Cody (Gentleman shepherd): is concerned, becuase this is Obviously Not Food. Gently takes it to be polite, leaves it out in the yard.
Minx (Domestic Shorthair cat): Smelly Toy Is Hilarious, batted under the couch.
Tiger (Really Fat Domestic Shorthair cat): Total disgust, hissing and sulking in the Prosciutto box. Came out and ate it later anyway.
Wanda (corn snake) we didn’t expect her to be interested but she spent like three minutes licking it.
Sadie AKA Marquis De Sade (Hyacinth Macaw) ignored bean in favor of dumping can on the floor, sticking head in can and screaming. Did not attempt to bite, which is Very Nice for her.
Arwen (Australian Kelpie): ate bean, waited until humans were out of the room to consume rest of the can, got costco-sized can stuck on face and pooped green for three days. Regets nothing.
Empanada/Anderson Cooper/#3 (Plymouth Hens): Excited screaming, kickboxing tournament over possession of beans/can. #3 was ultimately victorious, becuase She is Fattest.
Big Angus (scottish highland cow, I know, ironic): very polite and delicate acceptance of beans for appx 1700 lbs of beef, will now run full-tilt across pasture to meet me, which scared the crap out of me tbh.
Will post further updates as I am allowed to try.
*Please always cionsult a vet before making any dietary changes or offering your pet new foods, but green beans are pretty safe for most pets you can keep in America
Gave cockatiel bean. He gently took it, threw it into my face, and laughed at me
Literally every time someone has tried this with a parrot of some kind, it’s resulted in rage, destruction or mockery, usually all three.
Wildly entertaining tho.
This is all amazing, but what in the world did that parrot have to do to be nicknamed the marquis du sade?
Saide belongs to Chase, a D&D friend of mine, whose father bred parrots for the exotic pet trade without the slightest hint of responsibility, then fucked off to Argentina with the family savings and left Chase with 62 birds, most of them large parrots like cockatoos, and macaws. By Sheer Herculean Effort and a ton of elbow grease, Chase managed to get all the birds vaccinated, semi-socialized and into good homes… except one.
Sadie is a very, very pretty hyacinth macaw with ISSUES. Of all the birds that Chase’s dad neglected, she got the worst of it- she was separated from the other macaws becuase she’s a biter, wasn’t handled often and kept in a too-small cage and not fed on a regular schedule. So she’s pretty severely damaged and after five years of the best care a parrot can get, is still a mess.
Some Shit Sadie has done:
- bit Chase hard enough to take a chunk out of his ear
- projectile shitting
- getting out of her room (she has a spare bedroom to herself now) and systematically chewing through every electrical cable in the house
- almost killed a kitten
- knows how to scream death threats (chase’s dad was many kinds of awful)
- coos and pretends to be nice to strange humans, even climbing on them and cuddling, before biting and screaming directly in their ears.
- opened the fridge, took every single thing out of it, and poked holes in 24 beer cans, flooding the kitchen
- bit a chunk out of the neighbor’s rottweiler
- steals small electronics and throws them in the toilet
- pulled every single key off every single keyboard in the house
After 5 years, Sadie has vastly improved- she hardly ever tries to murder Chase anymore, and as long as we stay away from her living room cage/designated parrot safe space, she will hang out and watch us play D&D, and only try to eat the dice a little. She was particularly fond of me when I came over because at the time, my hair was neon red and I knew to grab the table before hand to keep my shoulders relaxed when she screams. As much fun as she had with the green beans, her preferred treat is sunflower seeds, consumed while sitting directly on top of someone’s head.
Fun Things to do with your pet: Green Bean Test
Published
BettSplendens Tumblr Evac 