allyitis:

blvkandasexual:

For the anon who messaged me earlier, and any other ace that’s worried about a future partner leaving them over their asexuality, please take the time to read this!!!

I’m telling yall: Anyone who is willing to leave you over your asexuality is a horrible person. I know in due time you’ll all find love like this.

hang on.

it is not, by any means, impossible for asexual people to date non-asexual people. and it is not, by any means, acceptable to force an asexual person to ignore their identity for the sake of a relationship. but please, please, please don’t say that people can’t leave a relationship where their partner is asexual and they are not.

many asexual people aren’t okay with having sex, and this is totally fine. but people of all orientations are also allowed to consider a sexual relationship to be an important part of their personal sex life. it’s wrong to make a person change so that you can have sex or to blame them for your sexual dissatisfaction, but it’s not wrong to want sex in general. and for some people, this is a sexual incompatibility that simply can’t be fixed (especially if they’re monogamous).

relationships don’t inherently need to have sex within them, and asexual/non-asexual relationships can be incredibly fruitful with or without sex. but framing “i’m sorry, but having a sexual relationship is important to me, and that’s not your fault, but this won’t work” as being a “horrible person” is so damaging. please don’t demonize people for sexual incompatibility.

It is OK to want a relationship that involves sex! Sex is healthy for you if you enjoy it, and is an important part of social interaction for many people. If two people are in a monogamous relationship where one person has a reasonably high sex drive and the other absolutely does not want to have sex, that situation has a pretty good chance of not working out all that well. 

You deserve to be in a relationship that fits your needs. It is OK for those needs to include no sex, it is OK for those needs to include sex very rarely, and it is OK for those needs to include frequent sex. 

You are not selfish if you want a relationship that includes sex, as long as you don’t try to push sex on anyone.