lizthefangirl:

anyway my lame ass is taking driving school at age 19 and it’s the most simultaneously entertaining and miserable thing as a college student listen to me

• in my city there are two driving schools
• there’s the really good one and the… other one
• the other one is more convenient for me
• it is run by a stuntman of thirty years and his wife, who used to pilot planes in the military
• they rescue puppies
• and made the teacher show puppy pictures in the slideshow
• puppies come on wednesdays
• a kid once ran himself over with a golf cart
• the room is -50ºF and the hall is the sahara desert
• it’s all pretty damned cool
• now the students
• a girl asked what “FAQ” stood for.
• a boy is named cannon.
• a girl is named carrington.
• the teacher is this amazing soul who survived pancreatic cancer TWICE and looks like an I.T. guy but apparently listens to heavy metal on blast and gave us such quotes as “you must know how to operate a doorknob to take this class” and “do not climb inside the vending machine.”
• i asked the teacher at one point if something applied to college students and he was like “are you over eighteen?”
• “yeeep”
• “then this doesn’t apply to you”
• [CLASS AUDIBLY MURMURS AND GASPS FOR A FULL MINUTE]
• he hates the staff of the place they’re located
• “this place was built by the lowest bidder. don’t touch the walls, they will break. don’t touch the walls, don’t look at the walls.”
• a kid’s last name is “pringle” and the preppy shit-talking girls behind me wouldn’t shut the hell up about it (“what sooo it’s just one pringle? did it fall out of the bottle lolol”). like quench your thirst after you learn to drive
• there was a sketchy ass vending machine in the room with like three Hershey’s chocolate bars in it and these girls were like “I wanna know if it works I want choooooc-late” and I’m like “there are literally vending machines downstairs” and one of them just flatly goes “they know.”
• turns out someone had jammed a dime in the slot
• i talked about these two annoying guys who showed up like an hour late (and seemed drunk like but ur fifteen??????) and this girl’s eyes light up and she’s like “you mean the hot ones!” and I’m like “i am nineteen years old y’all are all babies.“ 
• we had to go to a funeral home for an intense lecture. and people were talking selfies I kid you not okay 
• and this was Only The First Day