My cousin is a professional hippo keeper and has advanced far enough in the field of professional hippo keeping that she’s head of..idk, hippos? all giant herbivores? at Disney and has been consulting with the Cincinnati zoo about Fiona.
And being her facebook friend has really introduced me to the subculture of hippo keepers, who apparently all know each other and also can recognize most zoo hippos on sight.
And man, if you thought cat ladies were bad about the “my precious panther children just bit the shit out of my arm and then vomited on my rug” shit then I need to tell you that it is NOTHING compared to how hippo people talk about hippos with each other. For example, my cousin will post a cute video of Fiona and her mother and all her hippo friends will comment things like, “Aww, look at Bibi. She’s beautiful. Remember that time she bit down while I was brushing her teeth and she broke every bone in my hand?” and all the other people are like, “Aw, precious Nile princess! I remember riding with you in the ambulance!”
Or she’ll post a picture of baby Fiona gnawing gently on her caregiver’s leg and someone will respond with a picture of a massive bruise she got when a teenage hippo did that and everyone will be like, “hahaha, these nightmare murder beasts sure are wonderful.”
humans=space-orcs of the “will befriend anything” variety: Exhibit A.
have been in a long-term relationship with a zookeeper. can absolutely confirm.
about the only species she never warmed up to were the hyper-aggressive Jabiru storks, which were in the same “if one gets out, nobody goes anywhere alone or without a gun” threat protocol as the lions. Jabirus are assholes.
Because I’d never heard of Jabirus… photo time!
This is Mr. Jabiru eating a piranha.
This is Mr. Jabiru being mobbed by what appears to be a southern caracara (bird of prey) and not giving a damn.
Big Boy Mr. Jabiru is 5 feet tall (1.53 m) and has a 9-foot (2.8 m) wingspan.
This particular McDonald’s is a liminal space, connected to multiple dimensions and timelines like spaghetti tangled around a meatball.
Dude and his wife have been finding and losing each other for centuries.
If you go inside next Thursday it’ll be 1993 and you can watch them meet.
It’s very romantic, but quite crowded, due to three hundred years’ worth of mildly curious time travelers showing up.
Also they run out of Big Mac sauce.
Do not go inside.
You will probably trip over the briefcase of a businessman from 2067 and get bitten by someone’s poorly-behaved pet robot archaeopteryx, and the intrepid explorer from 1672 in a steampunk dimension will whap you over the head with her umbrella right when he says his first words to her, and your Big Mac won’t have any special sauce.
Also there’s a small but nonzero risk that you’ll step out into the Upper Cretaceous and be eaten by a confused adolescent T-rex that really only wanted your soft-serve ice cream, but isn’t complaining about the rest of you.
Anyway, the guy in the other window has been living in the McDonald’s for six years straight, after his home dimension was over run by parasitic space wasps.
He’d leave, but every time he tries he comes out into either a Category 4 hurricane or the opening scene of the Star Wars Holiday Special.
He’s got his own secret stash of the Big Mac sauce.
Why is the fandom so obsessed with making clones out to Actually Be Children™ as if they’re aren’t literally grown men with fly developer minds and bodies that just happened to grow faster than everyone else.
They’re gone through all the necessary emotional development to make them healthy young adults (as far as healthy can go in their situations). They’ve had fights and disagreements and probably even crushes on some of the drill sergeants. Can we please stop acting like they’re secretly all little kids at heart just because they’re 10-12 years old?
Any roughhousing or child-like actions would likely just be because their jobs are so stressful, and this is one of the least stressful ways to relax. They’re not going to be looking at the Jedi like they’re their parents or smthn jsyk. They’re adults. They’re grown.
I bet rex many a times has to pick ahsoka up and carry her away because she was ready to fight anyone who insulted her or her master or her brothers or the jedi. And rex just sighs “commander this is not good behavior. We’ve gone over this”
Back when I was younger and more ignorant and misinformed than I am now, one of my exes literally made me feel guilty sometimes when he got a boner and I didn’t want to “take care of him”. He claimed that it caused him a lot of pain and he said that his doctor had actually said he couldn’t leave himself in that state or else he could damage himself…. So made me feel like I HAD to give him relief even when I really did not desire to. And that sucked.
Wait… it DOESN’T hurt them?
Boys get boners all the time for no reason. No, it doesn’t hurt them. If any boy tries to tell you otherwise, run away as fast as you can because he’s lying to you for the sake of his penis.
No penis is more important than you because you are a whole person and a penis is just a spongy flab o’ flesh.
Hahaha deff not I get boners constantly. Math Driving Light Anything causes them
Favorite answer so far.
Math.
Dicks can seriously be ridiculous at times
Hell sometimes a brisk breeze can set them off
Reblogging this for all of the girls and guys that DO NOT KNOW THIS INFORMATION. Because this is extremely important.
HEY!!!
HEYYYYYY!!!!
The term ‘blue balls’ isn’t actually a fucking thing.
It was created by giant flopping douche canoes to con girls into rubbing their little dingadongs.
I literally get 10 boners a day and never get blue balls.
Next time someone tries to shame you into a handy, kick them in the balls and tell them “NOW YOU HAVE BLUE BALLS”
Thiiiiiiiis is what I’m talking about
The comedian is Iliza Schlesinger and she is hilarious
my exhusband used to use this line on me but he (mostly) stopped when I started throwing a bottle of lotion at him and telling him to take care of it himself so that’s an option too
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